Part III: Why Did Don Quixote Attack the Windmills?

Lord Jezo hates music almost as much as he hates children and that's what
makes this new DVD release from They Might Be Giants, "Here Come The ABCs" a
perfect product for my super-exciting series Things Lord Never Would Not Review
Part 3 of 5 (Five being the hottest review that has ever graced this
website...nay, the internet.) Lets get right down to it:

As a parent of seven, I often find myself at odds with the vast amount of
entertainment my offspring feel the need to gorge themselves on. Many times, I
find that the entertainment is neither interesting nor factually
correct...lacking in Edutainment, if you will. I often wander the aisles of the
local Mom and Pop Best Buy thinking "If only there were some way I could teach
my 7 toddlers the ABCs without actually interacting with them. Especially if
some barely recognizable band were to produce songs to help!" Dear reader, if
you are like me (and our traffic tracker notes that 30% of you are, quite
literally, me) you have found your answer.

First things first, it costs 10 dollars. Which is pretty good if you are on a
budget and spend the better part of your afternoon deciding between brands of
cat food, using mere pennies as the fulcrum, hoping that which ever one you
choose will keep your bloodline alive for at least one more dawn. If you're a
trust fund baby, I suggest buying ten and throwing the extra discs at scrubby
looking pedestrians on your way home while screaming "Walk you filthy pigs. This
oil is mine!"

When first encountering this DVD, one is compelled to ask themselves about
its place on the shelf. It is designed to be viewed by children, a genre that
was once shunned by the band in question, but upon actually viewing the content
it is doubtful anyone would want to show this to their children. On a scale of 1
to 10 of appropriateness for children, 10 being Marlo Thomas with a Shel
Silverstein book strapped to her forehead and 1 being
Bill O'Reilly's The Aural Rape Factor for Co-workers err...excuse me,
The O'Reilly Factor for Kids* this DVD ranks about a 5. It's not so much
that it involves ranting about ones sexual prowess but that the animation is
downright horrifying at times.

There is a video of pandas painting that seems as though the animation was
directed toward the average viewer of Bob Ross after about six mushrooms, a
cannibalistic letter "Z" and a whole lot of crappy puppetry. The music is pretty
catchy but all the tracks are short, there are some really flat pieces and avid
fans (who will probably be many of the only folks buying it and who would buy it
based on a compulsive need to fill out a collection) will have heard about a
third of the music before.

Interesting and cheap if you're a fan. But I don't see it getting its
intended job done. 2 1/2 Hipsters.

* A product that really exists on this plane of reality.