Happiness abounds. You can see it in the faces of the children as they walk
down the sun-speckled streets, holding gently to their mother's hand. Mothers
smiling warmly at the cloudless sky, oblivious to the problems of their lives,
distracted from the daily mess of shamefully routine actions that sustain them,
completely ignoring the men walking down the same streets eye-banging
them...could it be?! YES! It's Spring!

Arguably one of the top four seasons, Spring allows all of us suckers stuck
in traffic the facade of contentment by inviting us to roll down our windows and
dangle our arms. But once the window is down and your arm is sufficiently
dangled, one finds that the right hand is suspiciously lonely. It is for this
reason that Iced Coffee drinks were developed. While I have no actual data to
back up anything I'm saying I have confidence that the 78west.com readers are
too damn lazy (thanks in part to the sudden change in temperature) to do any
research of their own. Ergo: people who don't normally drink coffee start
scooping up cups by the armful when it starts to get nice outside. I think it
has something to do with the fact that an adult male looks like an absolute
toolbag walking around lapping melting ice cream off the side of a cone/his
fingers (which he hasn't washed in hours anyway so it makes the ice cream taste
slightly of copper.) Women are constantly being seen with Iced Coffee as
well...but I chalk that mostly up to the whip cream. If Starbucks slapped it on,
how bad could it be for you?!?!?!?!??!

Oy. Speaking of Starbucks, this review was taken from what appears to be its
number one competition these days. I am speaking of Dunkin' Donuts and, if anyone
of note read this review, I'm sure the fact that a fat, dead, mustachio-ed man
was the only thing creeping up on their sales would make Starbucks stock
explode. But Dunkin Donuts has some pretty tasty coffee, especially if you like
to pay in pocket change and hate looking at people with goatees (however, having
someone with a goatee serving you is pretty nice. decorate your studio apartment
with that.) So Dunkin' Donuts has made a Spring (poured over ice) version of
their Winter Coffee Taste Explosion "Chocolate Strawberry Latte."

For those who don't remember Lord Jezo's review of the hot version, it
sucked. My professional Three-to-Four Cup A Day opinion pretty much was with him on
it. And sadly, the cold version suffers from a lot of the same troubles. While
in general, it is much easier for me to stomach an insane amount of sugar with
my java when it is covered in ice cubes (yes and whip cream. guess I'm a big fat
lady.) Perhaps its an admission that Iced Coffee drinks are somewhat less
cut-and-dry, no frills, lets get on with it sort of drink than the hot stuff.
Perhaps its just my attitude toward them, either way, coffee is my Jack Daniels
and Iced Coffee is a Cosmo.

Even when allowing wiggle room for the drink based on the above, I still
couldn't get the whole thing down. Too much flavoring, not enough coffee to make
it taste like anything other than Strawberry Quick covered in whip cream with a
slight bitterness as though I had dipped my coppery fingers in it.

Two Mustachio-ed Icons out of Five