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: EEEkEFFFlEuRNsGLHn
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March 29 2005 -- Paradise by the Dashboard Lights
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There I was, in the front seat of a car at dawn, tired from the night before, breath mints and a toothbrush in the glove compartment, belt off and on the floor, and a big piece of meat just waiting for me to shove it in my mouth. It was so large that I needed to grip it with two hands. How would I handle it? I guess this was some sort of a test.
The parking lot was empty and so were the roads. No one would see what I was about to do so I felt calm and relaxed. The money had already exchanged hands so at this point all I needed to do was perform my duties and I would be able to get to work on time and no one would be the wiser. As I wrapped my lips around it and felt the juices flow into my throat a tear fell from my eye because I thought I had found paradise.
Wow, that sure was hot. But how else would one describe eating the new Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich? Finding out about it from that CNN news story I knew I had to try it and being that I am a fan of any fast food product that is rediciously huge and unhealthy I rushed out of the house this morning to track one down, and unlike that Hardees burger which was a 2 hour drive to find, this one was bought during my drive to work.
There it is. What I truly thought would indeed be paradise by the dashboard lights. 730 calories of pure happiness. Unfortunately for me those hopes and dreams were crushed when I actually tried it out. But before we get to that lets do a quick review of it's nutrition info..
With 730 calories (more then a Whopper) you know this thing has got to be good. If not good then at least packing a punch big enough to get any lawsuit happy fat person who wants to blame the fast food people for their overeating excited for a lawsuit. Sorry, personal feelings coming out there. "Americans do not need an Enormous Omelet Sandwich," said Penny Kris-Etherton, a professor of nutrition at Penn State, and you know what, he's right. We don't need it but we want it.
In the words of Team America: World police:
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
(grey because white wont show up)
That's right! We make these horribly unhealthy foods simply because we can. Take that Osama!
It took me two Burger Kings about 40 miles apart in order to find one of these beasts. The first restaurant had its sausage fryer broken so I ended up with a Crossian'wich bacon thingy. With only 360 calories it was not nearly enough to satisfy huger. I woke up this morning with a goal of an Enormous sandwich and that was what I was going to have! But I made sure to wash it down with some sugary Hi-C before I got too far down the highway. About an hour later I came across another Burger King and this time the sausage fryer worked fine. I ordered me up the $3.17 Enormous Omelet Sandwich and made my way to my desk at work.
So there I sat, sandwich in front of me. Me looking at him, and him looking back at me. Who would be the victor? But before the calorie orgy could begin I wanted to see what this guy was made of, and then came the disappointment.
Look at that sausage patty! All it is is one of the regular ones from every other breakfast sandwich these people make cut in half and laid out next to each other. Cheap! The bacon was also a bit flimsy and tasted funny. Eggs were fine in their standardness and actually having a fast food breakfast sandwich on a real roll was a nice touch.
This thing started off not too bad. But then again it wasn't anything special either. It tasted like I was eating a standard Burger King breakfast fast food meal. Having nothing special like a McGriddle with a unique taste, the Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich was forgotten as soon as it was finished. By the end the cheese was almost too much to handle and the bacon was getting on my nerves, but I guess that can happen when you eat over 1000 calories worth of stuff for breakfast. Would I buy this behemoth again? No, I doubt it. McDonalds is still breakfast champion in my book
3 cheeses for this thing. Nothing really special, nothing really bad. Didn't taste too good by the end so it lost that .5 of a cheese there. But then in order to shove it in Osama's face I gave it the half cheese back.
I am going to have to swim extra hard at lunch today to burn this crud off.
Posted by LordJezo
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