Week of December 12, 2004

December 15 2004 -- Three Stooges Beer


In an effort to bring you, my wonderful readers, reviews on the finest products avaialbe on the market today I hunted down a beer with a pretty bottle and will tell you about it now.


The Three Stooges Beer


On the bottle we find the three lovable stooges and the slogan "raise a glass.. FOR DUTY AND HUMANITY".  My thoughts on that statement?  Well, I think it should read "dump out a bottle.. FOR DUTY AND HUMANITY".  Boy did this stuff stink.  To me the first thing I thought of when I tasted it was Burger King fries, except not as good.  Jason said it tasted like a watered down
Yuengling but not even that could save it. 

Premium lager my butt.  Not only does it have a bad initial taste but the aftertaste it leaves in your mouth is not very good either.  The flavor of the beer itself while drinking was overpowered by the bad initial taste and the bad aftertaste.  Pretty much comes down to not wanting it in your mouth at all.  The only reason we drank it was because it was there.


The bottle itself is pleasing to look at and the box wasnt too bad either.  Quotes from the Stooges were on both so at least we had something to read while trying to get this stuff down.  The bottle caps were nice as well, each one having a picture of a Stooge on it.


It seems like The Three Stooges got the last nyuck in by putting this garbage on the market and having toolbags like me spend $6.99 on a 6 pack
of it.


Jason and I finished it off but we didn't like it.


1 cheese for this crap.

Posted by LordJezo

December 12 2004 -- Blade 3: Trinity review BLADE 3 REVIEW!
***SPOILERS!!! In as much as a plotless movie can be spoiled***
Starring Wesley Snipes, Jessica Biel and some Jason Lee wannabe.

Blade 3 was an absolutely necessary film in much the same way that cleaning your face with a brillo pad and hydrochloric acid is: it gets the job done but no one wants to look at it. I went to see this film on a Friday, during the pouring rain in winter at 5 pm and there were still only seven other people in the theater. Three incredibly lost old people, two black guys who were more badass than I can ever hope to be, and a couple little kids (one of which whom wouldn’t stop dancing). That should have been warning enough but I had high hopes considering the film had gotten a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes (about half the rating of the other two films.) Also: I had spoken to Tom Clancy about it just 5 days prior and he said the movie looked “fucking tight.”
The important thing to remember about this film is that the other two movies are badass. Otherwise, you may forget to give a shit about a damn thing that happens in Blade 3. It is also noteworthy to recognize that the entire cast is made up of sentient cybernetic beings. So, while we can find it easy to fault them for their inability to convey emotion or humor (which for some reason, constitutes exactly 87% of the script) this movie is a technological masterpiece. I predict the money this movie makes will directly correlate to the number of laws of physics it rudely ignores in the name of Jessica Biel using a bow and arrow to fight vampires.
Everyone phones this movie in. No one even pretends to care about what they are saying and what is happening. Even Kris Kristofferson (Blade fun fact: Whistler’s first name is Abraham. Did you know that? I didn’t.) was too good to show up for more than 10 minutes. Kris Fucking Kristofferson, of such illustrious films as “Millennium” and “Planet of the Apes: Tim Burtons Masturbatory Re-Make.”
Fearing I was being too negative, I compiled a list of good things about this movie. Five things make this film worth witnessing when it comes out on DVD in a month and a half: (1)Parker Posey gives us a nice spastic, corpse upskirt. (2)Jessica Biel’s stomach and hips plays opposite Wesley Snipes saying awesome things like (3)“motherfucker, I’ll kill you.” (4) Patton Oswald dies (although its not nearly graphic enough for me to really get a hard on about) and (5) Triple H gets an arrow through his eyeball. If you can’t wait the above-cited 45 days to experience this film in the comfort of your own home I suggest the simulated experience of inviting over some dorks that like to play Vampire: The Perpetual Hassle while watching Passenger 57.
As Blade himself would say “some films are a 7…others an 8…some even go up to 11, maybe 12…but this one, this one here…its about a 2.”

One joke was stolen in the writing of this review. Find it and I’ll give you a prize.

Posted by PatboyX