There are tons of people who wander around their jobs in the morning rattling
off excuses like "I'm useless until I get my coffee." Then they laugh in the
obnoxious way that comes to mind whenever I read "LOL!" on the internet. I call
those people Assholes and I urge you to as well. It is well-documented that
caffeine is a highly addictive drug and yet, we, as a society chalk this up as a
quirky and functional addiction. It is one of two drugs to be allowed
consistently in The Rooms (or, to the non-addicts, meeting rooms). It is a
stimulant, although mild, but it can affect those not used to it in some very
disturbing ways. There were two groups of kids in high school, the kids who
drank coffee and could maintain, that is to say that they could drink an entire
pot and continue to look cool, smoking cloves (the paradoxical nature of smoking
cloves and looking cool is not lost on me) and not once letting on that the
laxative side effects of the caffeine had kicked in and the type of kids who
drank "too much orange soda" and ended up annoying the Serious Players at the
bowling alley so much that they were kicked out for life. The latter children
were often considered...well...fucking retards and generally no fun at parties.
If only those children had developed a real habit. A man's habit. The sort of
habit you can look cool practicing on a street corner in the winter. The sort of
habit that makes you look important, even when sitting alone knowing that you're
not even waiting for someone to join you. This is the sort of habit that the new
Dunkin' Donuts Blueberry Iced Coffee is perfect for. Again, I must state my true
love for Dunkin' Donuts. Their coffee is cheap and tasty and, being a huge
coffee fan (I'm useless until I get my morning coffee OLOLOLL!!!), I find them
to be a wonderful asset to me during my work day most of which is spent
traveling between buildings and homes. I am inherently biased toward coffee. I
feel I must disclose that.
The drink tastes pretty much what one would expect it to taste like. On a
scale of 1 to 10 prefab food flavorings designed to turn you off that can be
bought in places that serve you in 30 seconds or less,1 being the McPizza and 10
being the White Castle Surf and Turf, I'd give this about a 3. The blueberry
flavoring is only flavored like blueberry in the same way that watermelon
flavored gum tastes like watermelon. As Americans, we all understand that these
flavors have little to do with the actual taste but more to do with the
taste-replicating technology which, judging by the products we review here,
hasn't improved at all since its inception in 1845. Blueberry coffee is sort of
a strange combination and the only reason I picked it is because I grew up
picking blueberries in the southern blueberry fields of New Jersey. To anyone
who has never done it or is not familiar with the area of Jersey that has those
fields, I assure you that the last sentence was not a joke and that New Jersey
does, in fact, produce some damn fine blueberries. Cranberries, too, but bogs
always creeped me out as a child so we stuck with the happier fields. It occurs
to me that this flavor would probably better be served in a decaf drink and more
enjoyed by someone who really doesn't like coffee at all. The bitterness of the
caffeine does not play well against the super-sweetness of the blueberry. The
most exciting part of the drink is the cup in which it comes. The cup a
pleasing shape, the top has been taped to it (for my convenience, I tip my hat
to the helpful and happy employees of Dunkin' Donuts.) and it has a label that
combines my two favorite players from the old days of American Gladiators (see
picture.) The taste does grow on you and by the end of the medium-sized drink I
was less disgusted than when I first began. I doubt I would order it again but I
finished it with no problem and it did not have the same deluge of syrup on the
bottom that some of these flavored coffee drinks suffer from.
2 1/2 out of 5 Pictures of the American Gladiators this review is dedicated
to...as well as a picture of the Atlasphere because I miss it.
and while I'm at it, the Aggro Crag chunk-wielding winner from a completely
different show:
Posted by PatboyX
Well then, the anime just started and some guy is talking about sterilizing cats in his free time. Sounds even more exciting then my night, except that guy doesn't have any Coke Zero. Yup, Coke Zero, that is the topic of today’s review. Carrying over it's Zero line from Sprite Zero (maybe) it seems the Coca Cola company is trying to push the Zero elsewhere, and with it being "Lite" over there in Europe why not "Zero" here? Zero calories, zero fat, zero protein, but look at this, 30mg of salt.. Besides for that Coke zero really has zero going for it. It has a fancy new logo and a new color scheme over Diet Coke but the ingredients are exactly the same and unfortunately so is the taste. With Diet Coke with Splenda out there now there really is no need to keep buying stuff with aspartame in it. The flavor isnt as good and it has that funky diet aftertaste everyone knows and loves by now. I think I am going to walk away now and see if it tastes any better when I get back.
Okay, I just got back from eating some tasty jalepeno cheese sausage and having a nice refreshing glass of milk (that happened to have a shot of Starbucks booze in it) and now I am here back with this Coke Zero stuff. You know what? It tastes like Diet Coke, and by Diet Coke I actually mean garbage. Now don't think I am a diet soda fan hater. No sirs (or ma'am for the one female reader we have)! The Diet Coke with Splenda stuff was a great change and Diet Cherry Pepsi is better then regular. But this stuff is just too old school. Maybe they don't want to repeat the New Coke disaster by taking this off the market and replacing it with a Splenda product, but it really is time to move on. Just look there, even Billy Corgan is sad. 
