"But Mr. Jezo, how could you review milk? What makes milk new and exciting?"
Well, it's not just any milk, nope. It's milk for the 21st century..
Lactose free milk!
Yup. Farmland Daries Special Request 100% Lactose Free Skim Plus. Why would I even have this? Blame it on the woman. I went from being a gassy, farting, smelling single man to being a gassy, farting, smelling guy with a girlfriend. Things had to change. At first I figured I would just have to get rid of the lady. What kind of man would I be if I let her control my stink and keep me from leaving little treasures in my pants whenever I felt it necessary (and as you all know, it's always necessary to leave a little something for yourself in your pants)? Would I really let this woman keep me from stinking up my bedroom at all times? Would the man inside me prevail and allow me to just go on farting and smelling all while being single?
The answer was of course yes.
Although a little smell does a good job in waking up the room in the morning the addiction of a female overpowered my urge to smell. But how would I do that? How would I eliminate the majority of my stink? The girlfriend came to the conclusion that I was lactose intolerant and things needed to change. So how could we go about changing that? She decided we should start with the milk. She dropped hints that her parents were the same way and that there were lactose free products out there on the market that you could use. So I went shopping.
Oh the choices! The store at several brands of stuff, all lactose free for people like me. Which one to try? Once I saw the NEW! on the label my decision had been made.
What would this kind of milk taste like after spending nearly 25 years on earth drinking your standard moo juice? Being that I normally drink about a gallon a week I know what milk is supposed to taste like. Would this stuff be able to hold up to the taste test or would I just have to make the sacrifice, dump the girlfriend, and go back to my regular milk?
The first thing I noticed when I poured a glass was that it wasn’t your standard white. It has a yellowish tint to it. Odd. Maybe that is from the ultra pasteurization or whatever process they used. It's skim milk but it's supposed to taste more like regular.
So lets try it. Hmm.. it has a sweet flavor, interesting.
I also noticed that on the box it says creamy tasting and more nutritious. Now if only I could get some of those qualities myself and make the missus aware of them...
I tried some more with various things such as the cereal I just reviewed and some oatmeal. It's wasn’t too bad but was lacking something that real milk has. The different flavor was throwing me off. Maybe I could learn to accept it in time, or, maybe I could just go out to the store and try a different brand. Yeah, I think I might do that second idea.
2.5 cheeses. Eh. I am sure someone would like it.
Oh, and having a girlfriend is worth being non-gassy, even if I sometimes miss waking up to a bedroom hotboxed to the point of smelling like a bathroom.
Posted by LordJezo
