So the Align experiment is finally complete and here I am to report back to you about the changes in my daily movements, the altering of my bowels, and the way my gas has disappeared.

Or actually I am here to tell you that none of that happened and instead I am here weeks later exactly the same as when the test of Align started. I think the issue is that I had no issues to begin with (at least in my gut). With my changed diet and cutting out of lactose I have been pretty regular so I am not sure what I was expecting when I took this stuff. The product might not be intended for me. “Digestive issues” means a lot to different people so they keep it very broad as to how it’s going to affect person-to-person. Not having any changes just proves that me body doesn’t need any help. Yeah, that’s right. Lord Jezo is a specimen of perfection.

But if you remember I did also give some Align to a co-worker who is the resident poop master of the company. He takes a plethora of daily supplements and is very in tune with the way his intestines process waste matter. Now while I experienced no changes when taking these pills he noticed quite the opposite.

“I am not pooping up to four times a day, it’s great! It firmed it up a little bit and has given it a darker color. The bloating from the first week went away in the second and even bloating I had before taking these pills are now gone, I can drink more beer every night with no problems.”

Yeah. So he loved it.

The AlignGI.com site has a more in-depth list of symptoms that people usually experience before they take the product, but as I said it sounds like it could apply to many different people. I would suggest for people to check that out first before deciding whether or not to look into it. That said, if any of you readers who do have tummy troubles, leave a comment with your email address. We’ve got a few extra samples and if anyone is interested we can get them out to you.

So no real cheese review here, just two different opinions.

Hmm..

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Cookies are my favorite thing to snack on at work sometime between 2:30 to 4:00. Sure I’ve had lunch at 12:30, but there’s something about that in between time that craves tea and cookies. Rather than sneaking a walk to the vending machine I’ve decided to bake and bring in some cookies.

Honestly my experience with cookies is limited to slicing off a thick coin from a cookie dough roll. I’ve baked cupcakes in the past, but cookies are an art all their own. Mine always get imbued with the non-stick oil, or worse, burned.

Mwhaha.. so that being said I decided to try the award winning Cinna-spin cookies that actually won top prize on the Betty Crocker website.

You just need a package of their Sugar Cookie Mix:

And a couple of other things, that will probably be in your pantry. Here is the ingredients list:

Cinna-spin Cookies
1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker® sugar cookie mix
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

Glaze
1 cup powdered sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla

All of these things are in the pantry or fridge, which is exciting. I’m going to use Smart Balance (whatever it is) for butter/margarine. Also, I’m going to substitute (light, regular flavored) Soymilk for milk. Who has wax paper? I don’t, so I used aluminum foil. Just as good!

Directions
1. Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, mix cookie mix and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon. Stir in butter and egg until soft dough forms.
2. On piece of waxed paper, shape 1 tablespoon cinnamon into a line about 5 inches long. Using floured fingers, shape 1 tablespoon of dough into a rope 5 inches long. Press one side of dough rope into cinnamon.
3. On ungreased cookie sheet, coil dough rope tightly, cinnamon side facing center, into cinnamon-roll shape. Press end of rope into roll to seal. Repeat with remaining dough. Place cookies 2 inches apart on cookie sheets.
4. Bake 7 to 10 minutes or until edges are light golden brown. Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheets to cooling rack. Cool completely, about 15 minutes.
5. In small bowl, mix glaze ingredients until smooth. Drizzle over cookies.

High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Decrease butter to 1/3 cup.

Mmm cinnamon. It’s just amazing that simple ingredient can really spice things up. I put in extra cinnamon, because it’s tasty.

I usually beat eggs separately.. Anyone remember that scene in Carnosaur? You don’t want an evil dinosaur hatchling to destroy your recipe. That or a weird egg.

DO NOT melt butter in the microwave for more than five seconds. By the time we took the butter out of the microwave it was boiling. It also melted the dough into a soup. This is why my cookies don’t look like rolls. This is key if you want to shape the cookies.

So since the batter was pretty much soup I tried my best at rolling the dough. The line of cinnamon absorbed any moisture or residue the dough left behind. Floured fingers helped a lot, too. My results were okay.. but I really messed up at the butter step.

The first batch (below) baked for the max 8 minutes suggested–way too long.

I reduced the second batch to 6 minutes and they came out perfectly golden brown.

I suggest preparing the icing when the cookies are in the oven. Accidentally I added more vanilla than milk. So I had to start over again, haha! If anything add more sugar to make it more solid. More liquid will make the icing runny.

If you don’t have any icing bags (I usually have a bunch of plastic ones from Wilton) there was a tip on the Betty Crocker website to put the icing in a ziploc bag. Snip off a corner (I snipped too much and there was icing flow chaos) and you have an instant icing bag.

TMW deluxe icing art!

If it was someones birthday I probably would’ve written a special note.. Here they are in all their glory, waiting for snack time.

How do they taste? Amazing. They have a crust outside and a soft cake-like center. Minus the butter catastrophe the recipe is simple. The key ingredient cinnamon really transforms the flavor and look of the cookie.

Now I can totally see why this recipe won: simple and delicious! There’s no need to run out to the supermarket for things not normally kept in the pantry. I think I’m going to make these at Christmas Time. They seem like a holiday cookie, right? Maybe add some ginger?

Aside from the Cinna-spin recipe there are loads of other finalist recipes on the Betty Crocker website that all use the Betty Crocker Sugar Cookie mix as a base.

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Well, it’s been a week since I posted about starting to take the digestion regulation pills of Align. I have been taking them every morning for the past 7 days and so far I have to report in that absolutely nothing has changed. The one time that I did do something that would cause me to have stomach issues the next day (too much vodka) I felt the same as I would have if I had done the same thing before these pills. But, I was told that it takes about two weeks for Align to really start working so I may have just been drinking too heavily too early in my probiotic career.

Maybe this product it not for me as I don’t remember ever having any sort of regular digestive tract issues or any kind of irritated bowel syndromes. I have always had the same brown cycle and nothing has changed that in the past many years. Maybe it doesn’t need to be changed.

Anywho, I have been sent a second box to get myself into the week that things are supposed to actually start working, looks like we have another week to go before we give it a review.

Tomorrow I will post the findings of a co-worker who is also trying it. He is a poop expert and is always on something to help him obtain optimal consistency in his movements.

Until then it’s a waiting game for the end of week two to see if anything feels different at all.

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A couple of us here at 78west have embarked on a journey that will take us through the next seven days. A journey not only of sight and sound but of bowels and poop. Since April is (ready for it?) “IBS Awareness Month” and we are going to do our best to get our pooping in order and become a bunch of regular joes. But we wont be able to do that on our own, no sirs, and what fun would that be for the website? This little voyage we are taking is going to consist of pills, and a whole lot of them (1 a day).

Align. I think this is the closest I will ever get to taking a daily birth control pill. At least that was my first thought when I opened the package and saw how each pill was clearly labeled by what day of the week it was for to help me remember what I was doing.

Align, which is a probiotic (like the stuff in yogurt) that helps manage a full range of episodic digestive upsets.

Or so that’s what they tell us. For the next week we will be taking this little pill once a day and keeping track of our bowel movements. Once it’s all done we will compare our findings and write the stunning conclusion to this review. Well, it will be more like writing a review since there is not much information to go on yet since the trip has only just begun.

So check back in a week to find out if our bowels have been regulated and if we get better poops.

See you space cowboy.

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I’ve taken to writing these reviews out by hand before typing them. I’m not sure why this sudden change but I feel it is direct result of the World Café featuring so many Folk-Rock acts since Spring began. So, as I listen to troubadours I am compelled to write in a notebook rather than a Macbook. And since all the privately owned coffee shops in a thirty-mile radius have been obliterated, I find myself in a Starbucks drinking their brand new Pikes Place Roast.
They’ve been pretty tight-lipped about the origins of these beans. One must assume that this hesitation is due to the beans being harvested domestically, perhaps from the skulls of newborn children. (Merely speculation. I have no proof Starbucks is directly involved in fontanel-tapping.) My suspicions come from the lack of information and the aficionado status that many of their customers feel comfortable identifying themselves with. There are few greater shames in the coffee-tasting field than admitting a preference for domestic blends.

Starbucks Pike Place Roast has a decent bite and a slightly bitter aftertaste. It was also boiling hot. Hot enough to burn the tongue but not hot enough to destroy the flavor. I drank about half of it warm and then threw it over some ice to finish it off. Tasted fine both ways and the addition of ice didn’t seem to water it down at all.

Along with the new coffee Starbucks threw in a new logo to adorn it. Sort of. The “new” brown logo is apparently the old logo. This news means little to most customers. Frankly, I am in favor of this retro-update. Now any person with original Starbucks swag will have to explain “This is the original logo. Back before they changed it to green and then back again. But I used to go there when they only had like 10 shops.” Thus exposing themselves for the insecure toads they are. Regardless of the graphics, the coffee tastes exactly the way one expects Starbucks coffee to taste.
I am surprised by the change. Not the taste but the action. The brand has been failing and we all know someone who superficially hates Starbucks on some obvious level – basing this animosity more on airs of pretension rather than bad product or business practices. But to those that love it, they are self-admitted addicts shamelessly dependant on a caffeine constant. To switch up the product is a dangerous game for any dealer. In our suburban Starbucks, local polls having just closed this is the topic of conversation.
“This will either kill them or cure them.” I hear. I doubt it. Either way, good for them.
Three out of Five “Places.”

click.

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My passion for Dunkin’ Donuts is well documented. The aforementioned review should also point out the many faults I find at Dunkin’ Donuts. Not the least of which is their desire to expand the menu in strange and perplexing ways. More and more Dunks -as my co-workers irritatingly refer to it- are attempting to compete not only with the coffee powerhouses but also the breakfast fast-food market. It is to this end that Dunks (i hurt) finally offers some food to compete with McDonalds and Burger King. The only problem with competing with those two is that you have to actually produce food that is somewhat like McDonalds or Burger King. In this respect, I feel Dunkin’ Donuts has succeeded. The hash browns are more solid than McDonalds breakfast slop and considerably less greasy than any fast food I have had prior to 11 A.M. It is certainly not delicious food but it is a great bit of a spicy, pre-fab potato-vessel for ketchup and/or mayonnaise.

This is, in a lot of ways, the perfect product for Dunkin’ Donuts. They are continuously straddling the line between Serious Adult Alternatives to Starbucks and Sweet Cheap Bread Products. The reason they have done so well is that they are the perfect suburban chain - a little metropolitan and a healthy dose of trash.

Consider the road trip: you have been stuck on highways and the only option beyond fast food is to pick an exit and hope for the best. You concede. Stop for coffee. But you refuse to eat that shit. Fair enough. But once you order this coffee you realize, either drink this on the road and proceed to shit all over the car seats or order something to throw in your stomach and sop up that black goodness… hopefully buying you a couple or three hours before your insides are violently expelled.

Four out of five apostrophes:

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Snapple. I have fond memories of this consistently delicious tea drink dating back to high school. I attended a private catholic high school (not all girls, sorry guys) despite the high tuition, resources were limited. Our sad cafeteria contained a dilapidated vending machine with nothing tempting, unless the lunch special that day was microwave pizza–ew.

Junior year high school life was suddenly brightened by the installation of the Snapple vending machine. It was new. It was shiny. It pretty much was too good for our school. Upon selection the Snapple bottle was launched, gravity seized and slammed into a rubber safety mat. Somehow the glass bottle survived and defied physics. It was at this tender young age that my heart chose Snapple’s Peach Iced Tea and Raspberry Iced tea.

Now, almost 10 years later I still love both flavors. Little did I know then that those two would be my favorite choices for life. Sometimes now I add a little Southern Comfort for excitement (blends really well with Raspberry and Peach).

Some new flavors have wiggled their way into the Snapple lineup, but nothing radical until now:

Snapple Antioxidant Water.

It’s pretty much Snapple + delicious + vitamins + electrolytes + antioxidants, of course ‘made with the best stuff on earth’.

Why should you drink it? Because “its got electrolytes“. That might be a good enough answer for the brainless, but I decided to put Snapple Antioxidant Wa+er to THE TEST.

Usually when I’m sick (or hung over) I’m forced by my significant other to imbibe disgusting blue, yellow, or red drinks. These help replenish your body’s sugars in a time of purge–deliberate (closing the bar), strenuous activity (shopping on Black Friday) or unintentional (the flu).

My experience with restorative drinks in the past has been: EW, the color. I can’t drink this. I really can’t drink this. Vomit.

Now just looking at the Snapple Antioxidant Water colors, they’re not neon and don’t look like they’ll turn my tongue a different color:

Orange Starfruit
Supercharged with Vitamin C, each bottle contains 250% of your Vitamin C daily value. Orange Starfruit also contains Vitamins A & E. I’d probably drink a bottle during a flight or road trip in the fall, before everyone gets their first round of coughs, colds, and flus. It’s even labeled as: The Power to Protect. But what about the taste? Anyone remember Hi-C? This drink tastes exactly like the Orange Hi-C.

Tropical Mango
Think of Tropical Mango as the Orange Starfruit alternative. It contains the same Vitamins (A, E, & C), percentages (250% of Vitamin C), and Protection Power. If you’re not a big orange flavor fan, try the Tropical Mango. It tastes and smells like freshly squeezed mango juice without the thick pulp.

Raspberry Acerola
This restorative drink definitely caught my eye. Huuuuge Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea fan alert. Like the above two, Raspberry Acerola contains Vitamins A & E. Grape seed extracts have also been added to the mix. I couldn’t really taste the grape, the raspberry overpowered it. This one is also strangely reminiscent of a gummy bear. It’s sweet in a candy way. But what’s an Acerola? A grape? Nope. It’s a tropical cherry that looks like a berry apple thing. I’m not sure how an Acerola tastes, but I assume it has enhanced the raspberry as well.

Agave Melon
With 85 mg of protective antioxidants and Vitamins A & E, Agave Melon has Restoration Power. Of course Blue Agave is one of the ingredients used to make Tequila, but this in no way tastes like a burning shot of Pepe Lopez. This is the lightest tasting beverage of the Snapple Antioxidant Water group–probably the one you’d want to down if you’ve had a long night of drinking. It’s clear, sweet, and won’t affect a sensitive stomach.

There are a couple of other Snapple Antioxidant Water flavors we didn’t get the chance to try:

Strawberry Acai
Grape Pomegranate
Dragonfruit

And for the Water Snobs there is: LYTEwater

All are enriched with vitamins, antioxidants, and electrolytes.

The last word: Snapple Antioxidant Water is the exotic take on enhanced water with exciting buzz fruit. Mango, Acerola, Agave–oh my. If you’re tired of the usual cherry, lime, and orange flavors, this new spin by Snapple might tickle your fancy. And its got electrolytes!

4 cheeses out of 5

Lord Jezo: in case anyone wants another opionion of this product check out Marvo’s review over at The Impulsive Buy

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It breaks my heart to write this. But for all the loyal readers of this website I feel I must break the news. Late last night the creator of 78west.com, Lord Jezo, was in a tragic accident. He is currently on life support in the local hospital. The doctors say he has a slim chance of survival. My prayers go out to him. Maybe God can help out just this once.

Once more news has been heard the staff at 78west.com will let you know.

Lord Jezo : 1/29/1981 to 4/1/2008

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This year one of the greatest things that America has introduced to the world celebrated its 20th birthday. It is an object that has inspired copycats world wide and has been influential in art from around the world. From it’s lowly roots starting in someone’s house somewhere to it’s blooming fame around the world, this birthday is one to be cherished and apreciated as it has stood the test of time and weathered the many storms that this great nation has faced.

It might only seem like yesterday that the Bloomin’ Onion was introduced to unsuspecting guests but it has actually been two glorious decades. Year after year people keep going back for the famous crispy onion and it’s become the most signature thing that Outback offers. When I had the opportunity to go celebrate it’s birthday I jumped at the chance. Unfortunately I am on a diet and was not able to consume 2000 plus calories the Bloomin Onion has to offer, so instead I took my bestest gal and went to try some of their new signature limited edition birthday special things.

Settling down into our seats (after spending 10 minutes driving around the parking lot looking for a space and then another bunch standing around the bar waiting for someone to get up, the table wait was an hour) we noticed that the birthday decorations were everywhere.

You could feel the joy in the air. Woo.

Since it was a huge party two decades in the making we (she) ordered a cocktail to get the party started.

What they say: The famous Australian peach belini. Tickle your tongue with this frosty combination of peaches, champagne, Smirnoff Vodka, and DeKuyper Peachtree Schnapps

A The Wallaby Darned and here to tell you more about it is a special secret 78west guest.

Wallaby Darned: Pretty much a frozen bellini. Ever have a frozen bellini? Me neither. Usually a bellini is like 20 dollars (if they use nice champagne). Having this as a frozen option is a nice departure from the standard frozen drinks (margaritas or daquiris). The wallaby darned didn’t have a lot of hard liquor in it, but I never expect a lot of booze at chain restaurants. That said the drink is very affordably priced. Next time I would order a second.

But we didn’t come here to drink, no sirs, we came to Outback to have glorious cooked meat, and that’s just what we did.

Looking over the beautifully photographed and modled menu we decided on two of the new signature limited edition birthday special things to have. Pay special attention to those numbers that you see on that picture there, we wanted to see just how close the menu looked to the actual dish.

First up what I had.

The Slow Roasted Sirloin Medley.

What they say: Savor slow-roasted slices of sirloin drizzled with a fresh herb, garlic, olive oil and lemon blend. Delightful and delectable!

What we say: The biggest thing I took from this dish is that they used pesto on the streak. Never had I thought of doing such a thing, using pesto on a big beef dinner was not something that I had been introduced to before or had tried out. It ended up being delicious. Pesto on steak is something I will be doing for a long time. Comparing the pictures I do notice that they at least tried to make it look like it does in the menu, they even put one of the greens going across the meat for added effect.

The other entree ordered was the Sirloin, Shrimp and Scallops Mixed Grill

What they say: Juicy USDA “Choice” sirloin meets succulent grilled shrimp and scallops in a mouth-watering combination.

What we (secret guest) say (says): Steak: This was soft at first, but towards the middle very, very chewy. ALmost as if there was a tendon? I had second thoughts about ordering it Medium Well. Maybe I got a bad cut of meat? Definitely disappointing. I probably should’ve sent it back to the kitchen.

Scallops: Best part of the meal. Very soft and full of flavor. There were only two, so I had to savor these.

Shrimp: These looked heavily seasoned, but they didn’t taste like it. Very light. Usually I’m more into garlic shrimp, but these were not bad.

Rice: All three portions of meat were served over a bed of white rice. Very tasty and had a spicy kick.

Overall I enjoyed the Wallaby Darned and the Scallops the most. But I was mostly picking my partner’s pesto steak. That one was truly delicious. And inspired me to try the same at home…

Wallaby Darned:

The Slow Roasted Sirloin Medley:

Sirloin, Shrimp and Scallops Mixed Grill:

TOTAL!!

At the end of it all the meal was decent, a 3 out of 5. It’s a middle of the road kind of place, it’s a chain resturant so you are not going to get mind blowing NYC steakhouse quality cuts of meat, but it’s better than what you’ll find in the back of my freezer Besides for the not so good meat that Rukia had (which is a pretty big thing when it comes to a steak restaurant) it was a nice night out. Would we go again? I am sure we will as Outback is a pretty major chain. It’s not quite as good as my favorite local chain joint but it makes for an enjoyable date location and anyone with a hankering for steak (and not a huge budget) should go check out.

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It’s 5am and instead of staying in bed for another half hour I decided it would be a good idea to wake up and get an early start to my day with a big hearty breakfast to fuel me through the next 10 hours. Since my protein powder ran out and the replacement wont be coming for a few more days I had to have the next best thing to get things going.

SPAM Singles.

Now instead of having to crack open an entire can of SPAM and not being able to finish the whole thing in a single sitting all of us SPAM lovers now have a new option in the form of SPAM Singles, which could potentially be amazing.

So as you all know, I am getting married in a few months and because of that I am on a quest to shape myself into a thing of beauty, and fortunately SPAM is a part of that quest. Over the past two months I have put myself on a new eating plan, I have cut out all the carbs that I can, haven’t had a beer since the end of January, and stay away from anything sweet. But SPAM, SPAM is free from that filth. It’s meat and that’s all I have been eating, it’s working too, I am down 20 lbs since the start of this nonsense, now only if I can hold out until July I’ll be set.

—

“Jezo, I bet you are lying, there is no way you woke up early just to make SPAM. I bet you are using theater of the mind to make us all believe that this took place at 5 am.”

Well to that I say:

Check it out, I Twittered this morning just to get my timestamp on the thing to prove it all to you folks.

Now before we get to the SPAM I want you all to go to Twitter and follow me. It will be great.

—

Now back to the main event, the SPAM. So it’s somewhere in the 5am hour and I have the stove top going and my ingredients for the ultimate breakfast are sizzling away. We do a little bit of a math equation and we get..

+

——————————–

Eggs, a SPAM Single, and a slice of american cheese.

I suppose this is as close to the opening of Dexter that my low class ass is going to get.

So how does it taste? How does it smell? Is it as amazing as was expected?

Well, it’s SPAM. There is nothing else to really say about it, the only difference between this and the stuff that comes out of the can is that this one doesn’t have that goo that I am used to seeing that seems to live deep in the darkness of SPAM cans.

3.5 cheeses.

SPAM Singles are essentially the exact same product found in a traditional can of SPAM, just in a single serving portion. If you like SPAM you’ll love this stuff if you want a quick and easy SPAM snack, then this is perfect for you. Once nice thing about the single size is that you can make yourself a SPAMwich or some SPAMbled eggs or just a fried slice of SPAM and not have to worry about leftovers. Just toss away the wrapper and you’re done.

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