Lonestar.

Texas has brought to this world a whole lot of amazing things. 78west’s main man, Mexicans, Salsa, California, and Toyota’s. Hot on the heels of all of that Burger King has once again allowed yet another product to come out of the deep south (or high north if you are thinking like a Mexican. Burger King, the proud representative of American culture and food, has brought us something new and exciting to try out and rub in the face of North Korean’s everywhere. As they sit their playing their DSs and thinking about new ways to blow up America we’ll be sitting here eating the good eat.

The Texas Whopper. From a poser over at Locker Gnome the thing has “The Burger King website lists the Texas Double Whopper’s frightening statistics: 1050 calories (620 from fat), 69 grams of total fat, 26 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of trans fat, 210 milligrams of cholesterol, 1910 milligrams of sodium, and 54 grams of carbs.”. Ouch. But that’s half the fun. Luckily I had the same North Korean defector that was with us last year was there to split it. As far as I know this is just some sort of plot by Mr. Kim Jong Ill Jr. to make this country fatter than it already is and give us all heart attacks. Meh. At least I’ll take him down with me.

Wow. Just look at that thing. We also have the new frypod in the picture there. Supposedly it’s the latest in fry container technology and will allow you to put the fries right in your cup holder. Wow. I never knew the world needed such an invention but now that it’s here it’s only a matter of time before it takes over the world.

So how about this thing? Is it posed to sweep the land much like the Burger King videogames? Featuring two flame-broiled hamburger patties on a sesame seed bun with four strips of bacon, American cheese, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, pickles and mayonnaise with jalapeños and mustard for a spicy kick. Spicy my ass. If one of the peppers did not fall out of the bun and onto the table I never would have known. I suppose that in their quest to mass market this thing they picked the peppers with the least flavor possible. How about the burger itself? Yeah, it’s flame broiled like, and it did indeed have cheese on it, but that was about it. The problem with this thing was not that it was bad but that it tasted just like every other BK menu item. Take that as you will, if you like their stuff then you wont have much of a problem with this. if you are turned off by the concept of American fast food and instead would want a big helping of Kimchi then you’ll want to not bother at all.

Two cheese. One because it’s meat, two because it’s not rancid meat. Don’t bother with it.